I have been trying all day to get my head around my sermon for Sunday. The day begins so early and I actually got a great many tasks for work done today. Even so, I have not yet completed my service. I kept telling myself when things settle down I will be able to concentrate and get things done. It is finally quiet and it is also almost 2 in the morning. I have to be up with mom in just a few hours.
Clearly, I have been fooling myself that I can ever find the time to get it all done. Now I must learn a new way to write. A new normal has come again. I adjust once more. I hope this is like training for a sports event. The more you bend the more flexible you become. The more you work to exhaustion, and then allow for recovery, the stronger you become. But the flaw with this metaphor is that i am not getting the recovery time. I am not resting. And even the best athletes have limits. I am approaching mine too quickly for comfort.
I am having a hard time letting go.It is so silly. I know I need to sleep. I know I need to rest my body. I desperately need to rest my mind. Yet it is so difficult for me to let her go. I want to let her do for herself what she can, but what is she safe doing alone? I just don't know how to tell. The constant concern steals my concentration.
Still my worried mind. Grant me wisdom enough to help in the way she needs it. And Help me care for myself with at least the same diligence I care for her.
Amen.
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