caregiving circle

Ahhh. Monday! Today is my day off. I get one, and only one, every week. It has been my day to have sabbath and recharge for years now. I long to sleep in, call friends, poke around the house. Do Nothing. Recover. Recharge. Renew. After a week of sitting with the ill and dying, being present for the questioning soul and preparing sermons, I long and need a rest. I have built my ministry around that one day of renewal, holding it sacred so that I can effectively serve.


Mom took care of her mom. Now she is need of care she lives with me.

Monday. This morning I awoke to the sound of her shutting the door. Not ever a good alarm clock! She had let the dog out to potty,(bark at the school bus) but in the process let both indoor cats out as well. She is awake. She decided to try and make coffee for me, something she has not been able to do for at least a year, and discovered (again) that she was unable to accomplish the task. By the time I managed to get out of bed, grab my robe and race down the stairs she was weeping.

All She wanted to do was take care of me. That is what mom's do. But she could not remember how to do the simplest tasks. She could let the dog out to bark, as she says, but that had not worked right either. She had lost her precious cat trying to help with the dog. As she was tearing up,sighing her helplessness into her torn tissue, the alarm went off upstairs. It is now 6 am.

Good morning mom. Don't worry. Go get dressed. I will take care of it.

I re-made the coffee. I found the cats and gathered them indoors. I stop myself from sitting on the couch and answering e-mail from work. ( I have a deadline for a newsletter at noon that I put off last night) Breakfast must get served and Mom settled first. I feed the dog, also the cats, pour a cup of coffee for both of us from the still brewing coffee maker, (I love the auto stop drip do-hickey) and taking a banana (so she can take her pills) and the very hot beverage back upstairs, I find her, sitting in her recliner, petting her cat, (How did that cat get up here so fast?)" I got my banana already". Ah. Well at least that worked out for her. I go back downstairs and make the eggs.

It is the little things after all. Thanks mom, for your wish to take care of me.

Over breakfast she asks the same questions every morning. Today is no different, if a little earlier. "Get the paper?" "You need to feed these animals!" "Where are we going today?" "Do we need to fix those people today?" (This is how she refers to my hospital chaplaincy) "You need to get dressed." "Where are you going to be today?"

We go over the calendar again. This is when that appointment is. This is the day I work at the Hospital. This is the day that I teach at the college. This is the day of the support group. This is the day of your haircut. "OK"

"Did you feed the animals?""Should I go get the paper?" I go get the mail and the paper and she settles down to read.

I do the dishes, take a shower and get dressed. Twenty minutes for e-mail correspondence. I almost make the deadline. A quick prayer for forgiveness and the phone rings. "Are you free to officiate a wedding in July?" Time for lunch. (Already?)

I make arrangements to meet the bride and groom next week, and then prepare lunch.

"Did you get all your stuff done?" "What time is my ears?" "You need to read this article I found."

We go to the audiologist. We just make our appointment. It is a beautiful day outside. I want to sit in the sun and read a book. "Is Coldwater Creek around here?" "Is it far?" I was planning on meeting a friend for coffee while she napped this afternoon. "I want to see that skirt." She is not napping today. We go shopping.

The women who try to help us are baffled. I am giving her size so she can try on the clothes she has been wanting in the catalog. Isn't that why we came? She only wants to buy me clothes. "Mom,I sit with the dying and their families. It is a special time, but not a party. I wear my clergy clothes. I am not going to wear bright beaded clothing even if it looks good on me". She loves the skirt. She has no money anymore, long ago spent on her mother's care. Maybe she wants me to have it because she cannot. Perhaps it is one more time she is trying to "take care of me."

I finally get it. This is retail therapy. I buy her some new clothes, including the bright beaded skirt. She is so happy. " I have been wanting to come for two weeks. About time. Ever since we got that catalog."

That was two days ago mom. It is time for dinner. I call my friend. "Sorry about missing the coffee, next week?" I start dinner while mom finally takes a nap. As the potatoes cook, I settle down to my computer to catch-up with myself.

It was a good day? Perhaps. My rest day is gone. I never saw my friend. I never cracked a book. I didn't get enough sleep. I am still tired. What happened?

Mom went from tears to smiles. I now have one more memory of my mother to hold onto. We also have some new clothes, including a very loud beaded skirt.
Grant us both sound sleep and rested feet, and enough wisdom to NOT wear that skirt to work.

Amen.