a different route

A realization emerged from my foggy head tonight. In my grand effort to find ministerial balance I lost my way. Over this year I have been stubborn. I have been trying to run this life according to my own personal notion of what should be right. My biggest problem, I was wrong. Is it any surprise that I kept coming up against the roadblock of my own expectations and human limits?
I gave up after becoming exhausted and supremely frustrated.
I wanted so much to make it ALL work according to some controlled plan that I was blinded to what could be.
So now,after much definitive action and financial finagling, here I am, all rescheduled, hospital hours diminished, students returned to campus, congregational leaders at home carefully included in the circle of knowing, and the caregiving helpers engaged. It looks as if all has smoothed out and the chaos is contained.

But there was still such grief. Such sadness, gloom and doom hovering in the air. My life had become mourning and I yearned for some colorful happiness in the mix. I had quit enough. Lost enough. Torn down enough. Surrendered it all to the chaos of creation. Behold the holy spirit moving in the world. Grimelda to the rescue. I made a leap of faith, answered an ad for a student seeking a homestay, and now with rejoicing, life! Youth, all growing, building, learning, truly vibrant,has moved into my spare room in the form of a young man attending high school classes far from home. His excitement and sense of adventure wakens us from our self centered nightmares and brings out our loving parenting best. This caregiving I know and understand. This I remember how to do with fondness and competence. And it is not just I. All the attitudes of my resident family has also taken a turn towards happiness. The fog remains, (curses on Dementia), but the energy has improved. All of us loved being parents and our homestay was looking for just what we needed to give.

So, I work less at the hospital, but am still there sometimes. I have new students and work at the campus with much excitement always there in the first weeks bolstering my energy. Our student likes us. His family likes us. ANd it is a mutually beneficial pairing. Mom loves having another young one around to tell her stories and worry about.
Life is not just balanced, it feels good.

I know that all is fluid. All is changing, but just now, this minute, awaiting the onslaught of a hurricane...I have balance.

I am going to sleep well tonight and dance again tomorrow.
Thank you Grimelda.