Mom has lost so much weight. A statuesque and large woman, we proudly share the image of viking/amazon woman. We are not thin folks. Soft and squishy hugs and lots of gravy make a substantial grandma. No more. Her unwillingness to eat has impacted her body remarkably. I took her to the doctor for her physical and now she has lost even more weight. Since we started this adventure three years ago she has now lost 50 pounds. That is a huge physical change.
None of her clothes fit. As winter quickly closes in the size 20 wool pants and 2x sweaters she insists she will never be able to button because she is too fat, actually fall off. She has become a size 16/14 with a body image that simply doesn't match. As I remove the now over-sized wardrobe from her closet she is not triumphant, like someone who had succeeded in a diet would be. She is bewildered. She thinks she is gorging on food at meals. She isn't. I check. She simply doesn't eat much anymore. Whatever is on her plate, she leaves half or all.
Her cupboard and mini fridge are stuffed full of easy to eat snacks and alternate meals which she asks for and never opens. Only the bananas are eaten, and now she says "don't bother with those, I don't need them anymore." I still cannot make her eat. I could not when she lived here without lots of cajoling and manipulating. As she has lost more of her mind, it has become even more difficult to awaken her appetite. She is disappearing. It bothers me and makes me sad.
Her body matches her mind now. It looks vaguely like her, but different. It lacks substance and seems somehow wasting. Each time I see her she is less there and more clueless.
I would fix her. I cannot.
Great mystery. You are. I get it. What I am doing no longer works. Show me another way so I can keep going.