Call Waiting- Call Forwarding-Wrong Number?

I indeed feel in the desert now. I know there is life here too. Not the green familiar. No. Not the lush blooming delicate flowers. Not the soothing green forests. Not even the wet mud of melt and infernal buzzing of bloodsucking insects! This is more than summer. It is an internal climatic shift. My life mirrors the world around me after all.
I must learn from the lizard, the tumbleweed and the baking rocks. Find that new beauty. Right now it just feels dried up and cooked.
After two months of covering for the absent full time chaplain I am cooked. I kept cutting the hours, moving them around, dividing them up into smaller segments, and even so, I cannot make it work. The pay is so small as a per-diem employee that my take home is less than I am paying the caregiver for mom. The reality that I am paying to work, literally, has finally lifted the blinders. I am leaving the job. It makes me sad. I am fighting the grief and building resentment. I also know there really is no other option for me that makes any sense and that makes me angry. So, will I go back when mom progresses and is gone? Will I go do some other chaplaincy that is perhaps more manageable? Or, hope springs eternal, better compensated? Will I just give up? Right now, I don't know. I do know that this adventure is over and it is time to let it go. I loved it while it lasted.
Go with God, hospital chaplaincy. Rest in Peace.
Amen.